If you are the only speaker of your language in a mixed-language family, you may sometimes feel pressure or hesitation about which language to use with your child. You may also worry about their future, thinking that strong skills in the dominant language are essential for school success, friendships, and social acceptance (Nakamura, 2016; Tsushima & Guardadob, 2019). These feelings are common and do not mean you are failing.
Research shows that one of the most important factors in maintaining a heritage language in linguistically intermarried families is support and negotiation between parents (Park, 2019; Park, 2022; Nakamura, 2016). Families where both parents actively support the heritage language are far more likely to see their children using it consistently (e.g., Balaska, 2014). Conversely, when a parent feels unsupported, it can be discouraging and complicate the parenting in relation to heritage language use (Park, 2022).
Ways Parents Can Support Each Other in Mixed-Language Families
- Acknowledge your partner’s efforts and provide encouragement, not criticism
Acknowledgement can be as simple as verbally recognizing your partner’s dedication. Saying something like, “I see how important it is for you to speak your language with the children, and I really appreciate the effort you put into it,” reinforces that their efforts matter. Being supportive of your partner’s use of the heritage language, rather than undermining, questioning, or judging their choices, can reduce stress and discouragement. Feeling validated encourages the parent to continue using the home language, even when daily life is busy or tiring. Support can go beyond words. For example, the dominant-language parents can help by finding resources like books, videos, or community programs in their partners’ heritage language. They might also take over certain tasks at home, giving the other parent uninterrupted time to speak their language with the children.
- Talk openly and explicitly about your language goals as parents
Leaving language choices unspoken can create uncertainty, while clear conversations often bring more confidence to heritage language use. These conversations may begin before a child is born or early in childhood. A parent might share their feelings with their partner about why their language matters to them, or parents may agree in advance on which language each parent will use with the child, so expectations feel clear from the beginning. When goals remain unspoken, the parent carrying the heritage language may hesitate or second-guess their choices. Clear and repeated conversations help both parents understand their roles and support each other with more confidence (Tsushima & Guardado, 2019).
- Learn together about bilingual and multilingual development
Greater understanding of how bilingual and multilingual children develop often leads to more certainty about language choices. Learning from reliable sources, such as articles, talks, or shared research, can help parents feel more confident about their decisions. When both partners feel informed, language choices tend to feel more intentional, with less guilt or worry around maintaining the heritage language.
Key Takeaway
Maintaining a heritage language in an interlingual family is not only about the parent who speaks it. Decisions about which languages to use, when, and with whom are often delicate and shaped by each parent’s background, experiences, and concerns (Tsushima & Guardado, 2019). Support from the other parent through listening, negotiating goals, encouraging, helping with practical barriers, being consistent, and learning together plays a critical role. When both parents collaborate with awareness of this complexity, the home language has a real chance to thrive, and the parent carrying most of the responsibility feels motivated rather than discouraged (Park, 2019; Park, 2022).
References
Balaska, C. (2024). Family language policy in Italian transnational families in the UK: Influence of language ideologies on heritage language management. Ampersand, 13, 100188.
Nakamura, J. (2016). Hidden bilingualism: Ideological influences on the language practices of multilingual migrant mothers in Japan. International Multilingual Research Journal, 10(4), 308-323.
Park, M. Y. (2019). Challenges of maintaining the mother’s language: Marriage-migrants and their mixed-heritage children in South Korea. Language and Education, 33(5), 431-444.
Park, M. Y. (2022). Family language policy in two mixed-heritage families in New Zealand: perspectives of Korean migrant mothers. In H. Cho & K. Song (Eds.), Korean as a Heritage Language from Transnational and Translanguaging Perspectives (pp. 67–82). New York: Routledge.
Tsushima, R., & Guardado, M. (2019). “Rules… I want someone to make them clear”: Japanese mothers in Montreal talk about multilingual parenting. Journal of Language, Identity & Education, 18(5), 311-328.
Hadis Tamleh
Hadis Tamleh is a PhD researcher at the Leiden University Centre for Linguistics. Her research focuses on the multilingual practices of Iranian migrant families in the Netherlands, exploring how they navigate home language maintenance across generations.
Hadis’s academic interest in multilingualism is deeply rooted in her personal experience. She was born and raised in Kermanshah, Iran, a city where Kurdish is widely spoken alongside Persian, the country’s official language. Although Kurdish was the community language, her parents primarily spoke Persian at home. As a result, she did not develop proficiency in Kurdish during her childhood, which created emotional and communicative challenges, particularly in connecting with relatives who predominantly spoke Kurdish. This experience sparked a personal and academic journey.
Motivated by a desire to reclaim her heritage language, Hadis began learning Kurdish and later conducted research on why many families in Kermanshah choose not to pass on the Kurdish language to their children.
As a researcher, Hadis sees it as her mission to raise awareness about the value of home languages and the importance of maintaining them across generations. She believes that every language matters; not only as a means of communication, but as a carrier of identity, connection, and cultural knowledge.
Contact: h.tamleh@hum.leidenuniv.nl
