In languages like Greek, French, Italian, Spanish, and others, a linguistic mechanism exists to convey deference or formality. We switch to the plural, known as the plural of politeness, when addressing someone older, of higher status, or not personally close to us. In other languages, such as English and Norwegian, there’s only one you.
Historically, this convention emerged in societies organized around hierarchies of age, class, profession, and gender. Speaking in the plural became a way to reinforce social order: the young deferred to the old, the employee to the employer, the student to the teacher. The assumption was that age or rank automatically deserved respect.
In this article, I’d like to focus on the Greek language, and by extension, Greek culture, and how the use of honorifics shapes our understanding of respect. On the surface, it’s a linguistic gesture of courtesy. In reality, it also mirrors how power, age, and status have long structured Greek society. We are taught from childhood that politeness means distance, that respect must be expressed upward. But at what cost?
When politeness becomes submission
Growing up in Greece, I was taught to use the plural form with elders, strangers, and people who had more perceived authority than me, to show respect. But that respect was not always mutual.
Children were expected to obey and to remain silent if asked to, in front of adults, no matter who those adults were, what they said, or how they behaved. Teachers, neighbors, even strangers automatically “deserved” respect simply because of their age or status. It was a matter of politeness and discipline, as adults were to be perceived as always knowing more, knowing better.
In schools, students were expected to “speak with respect,” while the same expectation didn’t always apply to how adults spoke to children. In workplaces, young employees often addressed their superiors with the plural form, while those higher up felt free to use the singular form, a subtle asymmetry that reinforced who held power.
Looking back, I realize how this linguistic habit supported a deeper cultural pattern: the idea that authority must not be questioned, that status grants moral superiority. The plural of politeness wasn’t just grammar, but it was also a mechanism of control, one that could mask emotional or even physical abuse. If a child or a younger person challenged an elder or someone more powerful with a higher social status, they weren’t seen as assertive; they were “rude.”
This imbalance can create environments where verbal or psychological abuse can hide behind the façade of politeness. Because if politeness is defined as submission and silence, who dares to speak up?
A contrast: direct languages, equal footing
“Research in intercultural pragmatics suggests that in cultures with lower power distance and more egalitarian social structures, the reliance on formal address forms may be reduced. Alternatively, communicative respect is mediated via tone, turn-taking, and other pragmatic cues” (McConachy, 2021).
Living in Norway, for instance, with my Norwegian husband and our Greek-Norwegian children, I often find myself observing small linguistic habits that reveal big cultural truths. In their language, and in the more direct culture that comes with it, du, “you”, is used for everyone: a teacher, a boss, a child, a politician. And somehow, communication feels more human, more equal. Respect doesn’t come from formal structures, but from tone, empathy, and behavior.
This everyday detail opens a fascinating window into how languages shape, and sometimes reshape, our ideas of respect, hierarchy, and equality. In truth, respect should not be assigned by social category, but earned through behavior. A child’s voice, feelings, and perspective are as worthy of respect as anyone else’s. To teach a child to “respect everyone” is beautiful; to teach them to fear authority and show respect without questioning it is something else entirely.
Children growing up between worlds
My bilingual children reflect this instinctively. They sense that a single form of you fits everyone. It makes them feel equal, seen, and confident to speak up. In Greece, they talk to everyone using the singular form, and yet they are kind, polite, and curious. They don’t lack manners, they just never learned that respect requires distance. They treat others as equals, and not as superiors. I never corrected them in that aspect, because I agree with this shift in the use of our language. Plus, they’re still too young to fully grasp the deeper layers behind this mechanism.
Rethinking respect
When bilingual kids mix these systems, they’re not “forgetting” manners; they’re redefining them. They grow up understanding that genuine respect is a stance, not a syntax. “Studies of bilingual and multilingual children’s pragmatic development show that such children often become more aware of relational cues and adapt forms of address and politeness strategies across languages and cultural contexts (Kasper & Blum-Kulka, 1993; Cekaite, 2020).”
And perhaps that is the direction in which more than one society and language are slowly heading. Maybe it’s time to separate respect from submission, politeness from fear, grammar from hierarchy. Maybe future generations of Greek speakers, like my children, and speakers of other languages, will eventually drop the plural form, not out of disrespect, but out of a deeper belief: that every person deserves to be addressed as an equal.
Kasper & Blum-Kulka (Eds.), 1993 – Interlanguage Pragmatics
McConachy, T. (2021). Cross-cultural / intercultural pragmatics. University of Warwick WRAP repository.
Elisavet Arkolaki
Elisavet Arkolaki is the author of a successful bilingual book series for children, with books available in 50+ languages: “A Sea of Stars” “Where am I from?”, “Cousins Forever”, “Happiness Street”, “Nelly’s Box”, and “Summer with Grandpa”. Passionate about travel and inspired by global learning, she raises her children between countries, cultures, and languages. She writes to build cultural understanding and sensitivity in young children while they are still eager to learn. She graduated from the University of Liverpool with a degree in Global Marketing (MSc), the University of Athens with a degree in French Language and Literature (BA), and was awarded a certificate of proficiency in English from the University of Cambridge.
